Tush

Three bedrooms would be perfect: one for each and another for both.
On the old Dick Van Dyke Show Rob and Laura slept in separate beds 
with a night table between them. You know the network only let Laura, 
I mean Mary Tyler Moore, they only let her wear stretch pants one episode 
per scene. You mean one scene per episode. What? Oh, right. Then she
was Mary Richards on The Mary Tyler Moore Show like ten years later
and she still looked good. Good, but not like that. She seems so fake
when she’s herself.  Mary, I mean. Which Mary? The real one. 
So why’d they use her real first name for her character on the show? 
Was the problem with the stretch pants that they showed camel toe? 
Hell no. It was 1961. She was like some perky Jackie Kennedy. 
Cuter tuchas, though. And snug. Is that Yiddish? What? Snug? 
Tuchas. Pronounced like an h but in your throat like it scratches.
It’s like the ZZ Top song, looking for some tush. Trust me, not
the same thing. I’m not so sure. You just wanted to grab it through 
the screen. That was kind of the point. I think it’s Hebrew, actually. 
I don’t think so, actually. For under. How did we even get on this? 
Get off on it’s more like it. Seriously, what were we even talking about? 
Three bedrooms would be perfect: one for each and another for both.

Mark Dow | What? Oh.
Contents | Mudlark No. 59 (2015)