What? Oh.

On an elevator a man heard “It was seagulls” when his friend said “We did it ourselves.”  
In West Virginia near water a man heard “pitter-patter” when his friend said “clear-cut.” 
At a dinner party someone heard “paper cut” for “apricot.”  
On the couch someone heard “pussy juice” for “procedure.” 

A perky girl said “G-spot” and a black man heard “Jew spot.”  
Someone else heard “juice box” and someone said he must be thirsty. 
A congested woman said “well actually” and someone heard “ejaculate.”
“I want French fries now.” “You have dry mouth?”

Someone heard “tea room” for “Hebrew” and “sausage” for “it’s also true.”
“Vince Lombardi” for “Mitsubishi” and “I did her” for “at dinner.”
“Whack-offs" for “Blackhawks" on a hotel TV. 
In Montreal at the SAQ, which is the state-run liquor store, a young cashier said
            “go ahead” and an old Francophone man heard “what the heck.”

A Mexican, mumbling, said “inside of me” and someone heard “anxiety.” 
Someone said “mystery solved,” I heard “history of salt,” and several seconds later
            what she’d actually said came through.
From the backseat my aunt said “real chamber music” and I heard “Wilt Chamberlain”
            even though what she’d actually said came through too.	
Someone from Mississippi said “the largest natural disaster” and I heard “the land of his ass there.”

When Bobby Sherman sang “beats on drums” I heard “pizza drums.”
When Bill said his father fought “the Germans” I heard “the pyjamas.”
“Itemize” for “idolize.” 
“Personal math” for “crystal meth.”

“Hi, ya” for “papaya.”  
“Let's add a spine” for “less satisfying.”
“Consulate of Belgium” is “pecan soil to bulge on.”
My niece “Yifat Levana” is “the thought lives on.”  

Mark Dow | Home
Contents | Mudlark No. 59 (2015)