Bull in the Chinashop (or a Cliché Subverted) For Matthew Sweeney and John Hartley Williams Once the original bull in a chinashop had charged to a stop and the last prize figurine dropped floorwards with an exorbitant clatter, there amidst his shattered stock the shop’s owner shook awhile in shock. Pulled himself, if nothing else, together. Lifted the phone (which somehow was not broken). Pieced the matter to the police who, wondering whether the man’s as mad as a hatter or just having them on, never- the-less sped hell for leather to the scene of the said offence where the bull, proving actual, is questioned, then charged on the spot for violence without robbery. Seeing red with punishments (drawing and quartering, being sent down to Smithfield Market) – Bull, for want of a lawyer, bellows in its own defence: “But I didn’t come here of my own intent; I was dragged by some anonymous poet with more similes than sense. Any damage I sincerely regret – Say what you like, I was only looking for an exit” Which statement, no translator being about, made not a blind bit of difference. From that day on, whatever the evidence, Bull in a chinashop’s been branded ‘misfit, lout,’ period. (Something else quadrupeds must do without, the shopkeeper was covered by insurance...) Martin Bennett | Mudlark No. 12 Contents | The Last of Summer