Difficult Word

Sodomy, Kate says, sodomy. That's such a difficult word.
But it is such an easier word to say than to say
what he said, what he said could happen, what did happen.
And Kate, this is so difficult to say it takes me
years to begin to try to say this part of the story.
How after inhuman time, the erection begins to leave him. How
I pretend not to notice. Until now, I have been trying only
not to move. If I want to avoid anal sex,
I have been instructed not to move. This is when he is
slamming himself into me. I am even more afraid now. I am
so afraid now, Kate. I am so afraid. I believe if he believes
I don't know maybe he will not kill me. Now he is using his hands
to shove himself into me. This part seems to last
a long time. And now he is off me. He is
stretched out, propped on one elbow. He looks perfectly
comfortable, Kate. He looks like everything is normal here, Kate.
Kate, he is going to kill me, Kate. He gestures down,
You're going to have to, he says. You're going
to have to. He sounds so sad saying this. Like
if it were up to him, he wouldn't be saying this. He's crazy,
Kate. He's really really crazy. And this will not
work. He has not been a boy for a long time and he has had me
down on the floor for a long time. This will not work.
And when this does not work, he will kill me. I know this.
I run. I run very very fast, Kate. But really Kate, I am not
running. And really I am not even crawling. Really I am trying
to slither myself along the way you sometimes in TV movies
see soldiers under fire move. And really Kate,
it is only inches that I do move. Like used dishwater,
there is nothing left of me now. I am going to die, Katie.
And he leans only slightly, uses only one arm to draw me to him.
You're going to have to, he says, and his palm pushes my head
down.

Frances Driscoll
Contents | Mudlark No. 2
Incomplete Examination | Some Lucky Girls