Hear Mark Dow read “Feedback” here.
We were talking about how sometimes it just comes out. About public speaking. Being nervous but doing it anyway, like when you made that toast. Like it was public even though it was family and close friends, but that’s even worse. So it was private. Intimate. Intimidating’s more like it. One of her sons stood up and said that before his own second child was born he asked her how he’d be able to love a second one as completely as he loved the first. He asked his own mother that? About his daughter? Well, he might not have known it was a girl yet, but yeah. And? He said she said you will, and that he did. Was he afraid of loving or of not being loved? That’s a leap, isn’t it? Is it? Aren’t they the same? We were talking about how sometimes you just say what you’ve been getting ready to say without trying to say it. Right, which is what he said. I mean he said it. He didn’t think about it ahead of time. That’s not his style. But she sure did. She said she feels like a vessel and it comes into her. She said through her. He said he’s himself and not himself. And that he watches. She said there’s a feeling of it pouring into you. Sometimes reception is the main thing, the receiving, sometimes the listener gives you back to yourself. I don’t even know what you’re — Like I said — But if you can sense someone understands you while you’re saying it — But why else would you say it? Did she look at her or at everybody or what? While she was toasting her, I mean. Toasting her. It was like it was just the two of us. Did you have the feeling of being watched? It’s like you’re just walking with them. Walking or talking? Oh, that’s weird. So you don’t look too far ahead. You do but not for too long. Or at your steps so you don't trip over your own two feet. Aware of being listened to. A feedback loop. I was about to say that. A feedback loop. It opens some people up. Others it shuts them down. Or shuts the system down. That’s a safety feature. Or design flaw.